I need to hide

If you have no friends and your relatives rarely check in on you then what;s the point of hiding? Well the truth is I just don't want to think about all the crap I need to think about it. Hiding won't help. I don't enjoy getting drunk and I find no peace in pain killers nor do I have any so I take melatonin so I can sleep. I do sleep, I just never get any rest.

My Mom died two years ago and she was 81, even so until she got really bad like the last three months, she was still checking up on us and telling us things we should do. Her last birthday I was planning to go spend the weekend with her and two of my sisters. but she called me the week before a childhood friend had passed away and she just said "Can you come up this weekend? I am depressed." Of course I went and we had a blast, eating, talking and laughing. We slept together in her bed and talked about her youth and all the funny things that happened, about men and flirting, about the grandkids and all the good times we have had together.

I don't have anyone that I can call and say I am depressed. Help me. Have some compassion. I am the one who helps, who listens and makes someone else laugh. Don't get me wrong I enjoy doing that. I want to do that. But I am not super woman. My son is whacked because he can't find what he is looking for and my boyfriend does not get what is going on with me. I can't be honest but that is what he says he wants. Only thing is he just wants it in certain areas.

Wow have you ever felt like no one hears a word you are saying?
They are there, listening to the words you say and some how it's like something happened everything got lost in the translation. The response you get is not even about what you are talking about. They start spewing trash about any and everything else. Or they focus on one word or sentence that taken out of the context is not the point. Or they tell you what they did or said ain't that bad and you are crazy. Then of course you have been beaten into submission. They want resolution, meaning everything is back to normal, you shut up and do as you are told and don't talk about it anymore.

Whew! Blogger u are my friend. Thanks for letting me talk and thanks for listening.